The Evil Durik Strikes Back

“The story begins as Prince Tuck and the ruggedly-handsome, yet surprisingly handy Kentino were on a bike ride. Prince Tuck was expounding on the virtues of the fair maiden, Emiline, and how his plan to conquer the world had been waylaid by her beauty. Prince Tuck was expounding so abundantly that the brilliantly attentive Kentino began to be distracted. Prince Tuck continued his enamoured speech, but all Kentino could hear was, “…Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah.” To which Kentino mistakenly replied, “Yeah, no problem.” But much to the muscular Kentino’s surprise, he had just agreed to mail correspondence to Emiline while Prince Tuck was travelling through Italy. How could this crucial error have occurred?!? Reluctantly, our hero went about his task of waiting until the appointed day to mail the letter.

Then, one unfortunate afternoon, when Kentino arrived home to his lovely Angelina, who else should he find in his home but Angelina’s brother, the Evil Durik, standing with the open letter in his hands nonetheless! Fortunately, just then, “…Bzzzt… bzzzt…,” the Evil Durik’s cell phone began to vibrate. Our quick-witted and incredibly-agile Kentino sprang forward, liberating the letter from the Evil Durik’s distracted fumbling hands. After locking himself in the bathroom, Kentino had no choice: he had to read the letter to make sure Durik had not sabotaged it because, should this literary treachery fall into the hands of the innocent maiden Emiline, all of Prince Tuck’s valiant efforts would be lost. The stoic Kentino uncomfortably perused the note, searching intently for the corrupted words. Five hundred really sappy words later, he was just about to give up when he found it—a poem of pathetic proportions, which, for you tonight, I will read only a portion…

Oh, my sweet
Thou art more beautiful than a flock of yellow mockingbirds
Thy feet more lovely than a pair of pigeon-toed sloths
Thy long legs more slender than that of the long-legged hippopotamus
Thy slightly-rounded navel makes me hungry for goats’ cheese

(It goes on for several pages, but I’ll leave you with that.)

As you can tell, it is quite clear that the incredibly good-looking Kentino single-handedly saved the fair maiden Emiline from the Evil Durik’s villainous deed and quite probably made it possible for the wedding of Prince Tuck and the fair maiden Emiline to occur this day.

And thus concludes this episode of the ever-continuing saga of Prince Tuck, the Evil Durik, and our hero, Kentino.”

(A big “thank you” to James for rescuing and transcribing this story. Most certainly it would have been “lost in the vault” for a long time if James would not have found and liberated it.)

Editor’s note: For the sake of clarity a few minor edits to the original recording have been made.