The Return of the (Incredibly Effervescent) Kentino

For those of you who don’t know and as a reminder for those of you who do: when Derek’s sister Angela and I were married, my best man and MC, Jason Tucker, told us a tale of 3 men – Kentino, Prince Tuck, and The Evil Durik.

When Jason got married 2 years ago I had the opportunity to continue the story of Kentino, Prince Tuck and The Evil Durik.

And now, since all good stories are trilogies, I shall conclude the ongoing saga of Kentino, Prince Tuck, and The Evil Durik with this one last tale…

There he sat, the ever-increasingly stoic Kentino, rain-soaked and snow-covered waiting patiently as he watched through the window of the house to see whether the fruit of the last few weeks had paid off. The journey had been long and arduous and lonely, he had tried to recruit the aid of Prince Tuck but alas Prince Tuck was busy making 30 minute brownies in 40 minutes, as well as perfecting his latest engineering marvel, paper maché origami. The surprisingly agile Kentino briefly stretched then resumed his cat-like crouch, enduring the discomfort brought on by this last ditch attempt to secure the successful proposal of The Evil Durik to his enchantress, Nicole.

It had all started several months earlier…

While the ruggedly handsome Kentino and his fair bride Angelina continued in their wedded bliss, and as Prince Tuck and lady Emiline’s kingdom expanded with the addition of two seedlings: the Evil Durik had suffered under the weight of his lightheaded emptiness. Who could help relieve him of his burden? Who would lift the dark cloud hovering over Durik, that cloud that caused much sorrow and longing, not to mention soggy bottoms and frizzy hair? Yes, the wet look was getting a little old.

The stalwart Kentino had ceased to hope when out of the darkness there appeared a light, a faint glimmer of hope, the graceful Nicole. At last it appeared there would be a release of the burden Durik had been carrying so long.

For over a year the relationship had blossomed under the distant but watchful eye of the subtly observant Kentino. It was not long after Durik’s prolonged momentary giddiness had finally subsided into a sort of warm fuzziness, you know, the kind you get from that first bite of chocolate, when it began to dawn on Durik that what he was experiencing was love.

This completely bumfuzzled him.

The Evil Durik did not know what to do, these things, these feelings, had never been felt before. He did not know what to do so he sought the counsel of the continually wise and shockingly accurate Kentino. At first our hero, the completely trusting Kentino, was suspicious of Durik, his wily ways having become very known by the incredibly intelligent but occasionally gullible Kentino. However after several seconds of half-hearted effort, Durik persuaded Kentino that he was telling the truth. It took the thoughtful and thorough Kentino but a moment to realize the next course of action: it was the very thing that Durik had almost taken from him, and the same thing Durik unsuccessfully tried to take from Prince Tuck, it was the sweetest possible revenge…

…a wedding.

It took very little effort to convince Durik that this was the right course of action, his star-struck eyes tumbling over his awe-struck heart in a manner that was embarrassing to watch (It is the same feeling you get when you know the first foot in someone’s mouth will be shortly followed by their second foot).

Immediately The Evil Durik was on his way formulating his plans, spinning his schemes. This is when our hero realized the depth of his concerns. Being all too familiar with Durik’s diabolical deeds, Kentino knew that Durik would go to any length to secure the affections of his beloved Nicole, and that worried the blissfully fearless Kentino. So, once again Kentino’s mastery of social politics was called into action. Carefully monitoring Durik’s every move he discovered that The Evil Durik was perhaps actually The Not-As-Evil-As-He-Once-Thought Durik. Kentino discovered that Durik did not intend to use his usual tactics of slightly superior cunning and skullduggery to win Nicole, but to use the most base of all weapons…

…romance.

Yes, The Evil Durik intended to win Nicole’s heart with flowers, kisses and song. The thought of Durik trying to win the heart of any fair maiden using romance surprised the slightly naive Kentino. This new twist greatly encouraged Kentino. Perhaps finally Kentino could return to his life and family. But alas the continually effervescent Kentino’s joy was short lived when he learned of Durik’s planned tools for his romantic subterfuge. Durik’s design was to win Nicole’s heart through a series of planned adventures at The Evil Durik’s domain; however, stinkweed and Yo 2 Go were not the ways to a girl’s heart. So carefully the ever-so-subtle Kentino went about with his own diabolical plan to help Durik win Nicole’s heart, and as Durik went off to bring Nicole back to his lair, Kentino went about replacing stinkweed with rose pedals and converting carefully crafted rhymes composed primarily with the words “yo Nicole, yo, yo, yo, Nicole I love you from my PHAT (with a PH) hat to my NIKE sole” to words that whispered Durik’s everlasting, ever-increasing love to his dream girl, Nicole. The masterful switch was completed just as Durik brought the unsuspecting Nicole through the door of The Evil Durik’s domain.

Now all the extremely patient Kentino had to do was sit outside in the sleet and snow, watch the window and wait. And wait. And wait. Until finally Kentino could wait no longer, now was the time for action, or so his bladder said anyway. Fortunately the moment for which He had so patiently endured had arrived, and much to his surprise, the planned proposal went off flawlessly, Durik not even noticing Kentino’s crafty cunningness and diabolical good deeds.

And so here we are today celebrating the fruit of the continually humble Kentino’s labours.

Now all that Kentino has to concern himself with is his Japanese friend Jamie-san. But that’s another story…